I don't typically play too many horror games, but there are times that I've found horror in the unlikeliest of places because of this crushing sense of eternal loneliness.
Armed with this newfound confidence, I wanted to confront my biggest fears head on. And ironically, I've found myself drawn toward those types of games even more now because of my experience with Myst. The change was slow and gradual - but I'd been to the other side and realized things were going to be OK, no matter what happened. I grew comfortable with not needing the sound of the television on in another room to numb the pain of silence. After the initial shock had worn off, I found myself being able to deal with my parents going out and leaving me on my own. In being forced to face my own mortality and the soul-crushing loneliness of eternity - even in a digital form such as Myst - something got shaken loose. That's the problem with irrational fear - you know that there's no reason to worry, and yet, on some intrinsic level, it still haunts you, building upon itself exponentially until your fear sends you on a downward spiral that you can't pull yourself out of. Many times I'd find myself in a horrific loop of doubt, unable to divide by zero, until the anxiety consumed me completely. And this was before cell phones and text messages, so there was no way to contact them just to give me some peace of mind.
I'd worry when my parents left for an extended amount of time that, if they didn't come back at the exact time they specified, they would disappear forever. As a child I struggled with separation anxiety. Myst gave me nightmares for months.īut Myst also helped me confront the fears I'd had for a very, very long time. I suddenly realize just how alone I am, both in that moment, and on a universal level. My parents aren't home, and they won't be for at least another hour or two. I'm staring at my computer screen, existential dread washing over me for the first time in my life.
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